Just a dream

If there is one thing I know I learned from this World, it’s that we’re always trying to see ourselves through the eyes of someone else. Everything about us is defined by someone else’s mindset. And as much as we want to pretend like it doesn’t faze us, it still does and denying it doesn’t make it any less true. But why is it that other’s opinion is so damn important to every last one of us? Why do we feel the need to categorize every thing and everyone? Why is it so important to put a label on everything? Well the answer is pretty easy actually. Putting a label on something defines the way you’ll treat it. Object. You can use it and throw it when you’re done. Animal. Small being to which you choose to show respect but will always be considered lower than you, in fact it is weird even comparing the two. Human. Someone with dignity to whom you should show respect. Right? But it doesn’t always work that way. See, the world cannot work in chaos so we create rules and laws. Why? Because we...

For a long time I thought that getting drunk was about forgetting everything, feeling numb for a while. Being able to silence your mind seems to be appealing to lots of people, but to me silencing my mind also meant silencing my whole existence. I’m not ready to do that. As much as owning up to everything scares the living light out of me, running away from them means running away from myself and I don’t think I have given up just yet on being happy. You know what sucks the most about being drunk? Feeling like shit. I won’t lie, I don’t remember half of it but you know what I do remember? The state I was trying to run away from by drinking, the emptiness I feared so much is what welcomed me as soon as I crossed that line. I can’t remember what I said or what I did but I do remember that I felt what I was afraid to feel; emptiness. 

You know that feeling when your mind is shouting but words just won’t come out? That tingling sensation in your spine forcing you to write something but it’s like you forgot how to move your fingers while you’re staring at a blank page? And it’s so frustrating because you know you have lots to say but it’s like words are stuck in a far away place in your brain. Well that is my state pretty much all of the time for the exception of those rare nights when my mind and my brain decide to call it truce and come together allowing me to express my feelings. So here I am tonight, writing about all those things that make me want to punch a whole into a wall because there’s not much I can do about them. The World is an awful place to live in but it is our job to make the best out of it. See after going through so much you realize that life isn’t about what is wrong or right. There is no such thing. It is only about what is and what isn’t, the rest is nothing but an illusion, a fiction we cr...